Question

Hi Rachel,
My name is Shi-Li and I am a 25-year-old Naharinite. About two months ago, I ended a very significant relationship that lasted about a year and a half, in which I was about to move into a shared residence with my partner. I feel like I can't quite break away from the past and think about it quite a lot.

Two weeks ago I started dating a guy I've known for a long time as a friend. The question is, is trying to start a new relationship to overcome a failed one logical and realistic? I have to point out that I really like the new guy and think we have a good match, but at the same time I also think a lot about the ex. I would be happy for advice
Thanks in advance,
Shi-li

Answer

hi shi me
I think that after a year and a half it makes sense to still think about the ex. All in all, you have more experiences with him than with the new friend. Try not to make comparisons between the previous and the current - it never leads anywhere. After every breakup there are brain journals - we tend to idealize the ex and forget all the difficult time we had with him, and all the circumstances that led to managing a "failed system", as you mentioned yourself. It makes sense to try to build a new system because only it will forget the ex faster. However, at the same time you have to do a process of emotional separation from the ex using a technique I teach, in which we take him off the throne of divinity and look at him realistically and very quickly he will leave your mind. I would like to check the men you are attracted to. I have a feeling that you are attracted to "bad" men. that make life difficult for you and that you give more in the relationship. These are reversible things that need to be changed.