Galit (pseudonym) came to me sad and desperate. On the phone she said that she already knows everything about herself - she was already in therapy, learned everything possible about the reasons why she is still alone, about her parents, about her fears and nothing helped. Even acupuncture and Bach flowers didn't help her believe in herself and become stronger. She was full, and Valrazot did not succeed, or - according to my perception - did not agree, so that she would have a regular, agreed-upon excuse for failure with men.

At first I didn't know what I could do for her. Training is not therapy, but sometimes it requires hard and long work. And in her case - a long work was required. I told her that we would have to build her self-image from the ground up. I explained that there is no need to talk about the parents, but it is necessary to know what she really thinks about herself, why she is convinced that she is not worthy of a relationship, and what scares her about a relationship, so much so that she does everything to avoid it.

We decided not to know each other

In the first meetings, the desperation returned and emerged from her words. Nothing we said and no insight we got to her together, helped her dare to meet guys or just feel good in her everyday life. So we decided not to know each other.

For the first time, Galit consciously decided, and out of choice - and not out of fear, to put the topic of dating aside for a moment. No more forced meetings with friends of friends, no more failures that came back and undermined her self-confidence - which was already shaky.

We worked on the self-image

For a long time we only worked on the subject of self-image. Every week Galit received new exercises and tasks on which she was obliged to report to me. Here and there the doubt returned and overwhelmed her, and with it the fear - she is already 32, and what will happen... and precisely now - to avoid... and who said that self-confidence is really so important and who said that it can be lifted, after so many years without… To her credit, she didn't give up, despite everything. The tasks I gave, she initially performed in a forced manner and then more and more authentically.

We started on dating sites

After 6 months, Galit lost 8 kilograms in weight, and used to go to the gym regularly. At the same time, she began to accept offers from companies again - to get to know their free friends. Together we decided to go for something 'easier' - to start from the Internet.

The fear of a relationship was so great for her, that it was the Internet that calmed the fear. The feeling of anonymity protected her - you don't have to meet straight away or even talk on the phone. You can just chat. My instruction was to get to know for fun. Sometimes it works just like that. Not to think about this 'heavy' thing, which familiarity implies. More than that, I said, you're welcome to introduce yourself as someone who just wants to hang out right now. Panic jumped again. On the one hand, Galit was indeed afraid of a binding relationship, but on the other - to really declare a lack of seriousness, is that serious?

It was clear to me that this was the way. I asked her to avoid thinking about the next meeting, to avoid dealing with the question of her age and to constantly remember the enormous work she had done on herself recently.

For several months Galit met guys who were more interested in her than ever before. Self-confidence has replaced the feeling of desperation that she previously transmitted. The feeling that she was allowed to give up on the guy even after one date worked as a sedative. When they gave her up, she wasn't offended like before, and when she wasn't interested - the familiar feelings of guilt didn't jump.

We continued with search settings

Then, we decided to move forward: together we defined the partner Galit wanted. We started from the outside, but paid a lot of attention to internal features. Every time Galit came back to talking about height and eye color, we tried to remember what a relationship is really about. Together we discovered the value system that is important to her - the things she would like to say about her married life when she turns 60. Then appearance will play a less important role, and personal growth, raising children and the home will be important.

Still - there were things Galit was not ready to give up. The example height was critical: either higher than her or not. For a moment I wondered if she would really be willing to give up a warm, sensitive and open man, as she wanted, just because of a few inches of height, but I did. Passion is an important spice in a relationship and not everything can be explained in words.

We started going out

We started going out again.. I mean - Galit started. This time she was not allowed to disqualify anyone. Those who met the list of criteria we defined were granted another meeting. Galit continued to feel that she was in control of the situation. She is the one who chooses and is not the only one who is measured and tested. She also felt that the list of qualities we worked on together over several meetings made her choice serious and responsible.

We found the one

Finally Galit met someone who really liked her, and was surprised to find out that he liked her too. Here too we went through a long journey together. Again there were ups and downs, concerns and fears and above all a repeated examination of her importance in his eyes - of his love for her.

Galit chose a warm and sensitive man, who knew how to contain her fears. At the same time, she did enough work on herself, in order not to destroy the beautiful relationship she started to build. She still doesn't have the courage to talk about a wedding, but in a few days Galit will move in with her husband. As a token of gratitude, she agreed that I would write about her and tell everyone who had already given up, that the impossible can come true - if you really really want to.